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[20 Oct 2005|12:48pm]
Im going to be deleting this journal. My new one is going to be __corpsegrinder

for those that would still like to read my journal, please add me.

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Terrorfakt [17 Oct 2005|12:55am]
Just saw terrorfakt play live. HEHE...fucking awsome shit. Got to see Mono No Aware, Data Code Division, Voltage Control, and a few others. good shit...awsome sound system, and a good turn out...lots of people there. Mono no aware kicked ass...and Terrorfakt was heavier then shit. I got all my cds and posters signed from ben. Great night...lots of fun. Kind of like our own little industrial festival here in denver...
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[13 Oct 2005|12:29am]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

Holy crap...

I just about shit my pants.

I just found out that MESHUGGAH is playing at the ogden theature next friday with God Forbid.


Im going to crawl out of my skin.

Meshugga is the most amazing band live.

hehehehe *giggles like an excited little school girl*

Im there. anyone up for joining me???

12 comments|post comment

[12 Oct 2005|03:40pm]
I live in colorado now, but grew up in southern california. im coming back for christmas, and a few days after. anything happening? what clubs are around? does anyone go to el chamber? is that night still around? any suggestions? thanks for the help.
2 comments|post comment

[09 Oct 2005|01:49am]

a picture of me in my new band. a promo shot.

you can hear what we sound like at http://www.myspace.com/relevent

more pictures under view more pics.
10 comments|post comment

[02 Oct 2005|04:19am]
So I finally found a new band...I am fucking stoked. Super heavy shit...slipknot meets soilwork meets as I lay dying. 8 of us...drums, bass, percussion, rythem and lead guitar, vocals and keyboards. good shit..everyone in the band is absolutly insane...I love. Its pretty much the exact style band and people I have been trying to find for a long ass time. We already have 3 songs down as well. making great progress.
Its different. these guys are all about the face paint effect...and at first I didnt think I was going to dig it....but after doing a photo shoot, I think Its going to grow on me.

Our band's name is Relevent. We only have a myspace up...but pictures are in the process of being put up. there are some up now. click on the link, then click on the icon, and more pictures will come up.


Im so happy!
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Some pictures at the club stolen from iamyoursiren [02 Oct 2005|03:54am]
Jasmine and I

kasia and sarah

Ben, and I chatting

sarah playing some good shit.
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Some pictures of my SEXY Girlfriend, I think you all should see. [20 Sep 2005|12:08am]

Read more...Collapse )
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THE BEAUTIFUL BC RICH VIRGIN [06 Sep 2005|01:59am]


i bought her in high school, and she practically became my girlfriend. and then, I took my brain out of my head, turned my smarts off, switched on my "lets be a complete dumbass and sell the most beautiful thing you have ever owned" mode.

I once owned this guitar, and I loved to play it... I wrote my heart and soul on it, I miss it so much...

im saving up for it again. I cant wait untill I can have her again....mmmmmmmmm.... SHE IS MY VIRGIN.
3 comments|post comment

[05 Sep 2005|10:55pm]
well work has finally picked up, and im making good money again. I just got my boss payed off $500 dollars, for helping me out...and now I can pay Jasmine's dad off...over a grand, but it was totally cool of him for helping me get my new jeep. my car before was completly illegal... emissions was expired and would not pass, plates were expired, registration was bad, I couldnt even get the title changed into my name...so I could insure it! but now I have my new jeep, and as of last week, it is completly legal! passed emissions, brand new plates and tags, and the title is in my name. its good to be legal again. as well, im completly insured with everything I need to have. So I have to pay J's dad off, then I can finish paying doris off...I feel bad, Ive owed her money for a while and its still going to be a while before I can finish paying her off.

went down to the big festival downtown, Taste of colorado, it was cool. lots of people, and its weird standing in line in the middle of the usually busy intersection of colfax and broadway, and buying food to eat. and of coarse I lose my keys. GRRR im pissed, I set them down somewhere, and lost them. they could be anywhere down town. so I had to get a copy of the front door key to my apartments, and its costing me $25.
stoked Terrorfakt is coming to denver next month.
here is some shit...
I have bed bugs in my apartment. I have had the place sprayed 3 times, and they wont go away. Ive washed bedding and everything...they are not going away. my whole apartment, actually the whole block apparently has problems with it...my building is over 100 years old, and its not in the best of shape. and it sucks...because now my girlfriend does not want me at her house, and she wont come over anymore.
its understandable... she gets eaten to death. it sucks, it makes me feel like a dirty person, and im not. its not my fault this shit ass building is infested with bugs...I dont mind living where I live, in fact sometimes I enjoy it, but this bug thing is too much.
this problem really sucks. im sick of getting eaten every night I sleep. Jasmine printed out some info on this, so im going to read it tomarrow and hope I can get rid of these things.
2 comments|post comment

[24 Aug 2005|04:21am]
haha, this is good stuff. check out this link...Its the top 10 worst blackmetal photos of all time...good shit

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Pictures [21 Aug 2005|05:24pm]
Here are some pictures that Jasmine just got developed:
This was me when I first moved to colorado.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
The rest are under the cut:
MoreCollapse )
6 comments|post comment

Blood [21 Aug 2005|03:24am]
does anyone else out there think that blood is totally interesting? I dont know what it is...watching an open wound, swell, and blood leak out, is so interesting. its like watching the inside of someone's soul. Without blood, we are nothing. it is our life force. Sometimes, I move dead people, and blood pours out everywhere...I mean everywhere...or, if their on the ground, it pools up...sometimes, massive amounts...and the body laying in the middle of it. Its weird...to see the lifeforce, out of the body, and the body lifeless...I used to cut a lot, and I loved watching the blood... I dont know why, but I love blood...and when my girlfriend gets a wound, I love to suck it...hehe...or even drinking blood is enjoyable.

life is in the blood. I am saved by the blood.

what I find weird, is in a dead person, after a few day, the vains become blatantly visible through the flesh...and there are so many, every part of our body needs the life force, or it dies. its almost like a seperate entity...its sacred, and holy. I find artwork, with pictures of people covered in blood...and it fasinates me.

guess im just weird.

hmm. just a momentary observation.
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[10 Aug 2005|11:03pm]
So I have been bumming that my band broke up. But I guess when the main guitarist, the leader, is schitophrenic, and he turns everyone against eachother in the band, it will end up driving the band into the ground. but its ok, Knights of tethys was a stepping stone for me, a step up in playing, live shows, and tecnique. I want to work on heavier music anyway...I want to play deep heavy stuff, Something with a passion...and with people who have a passion for god, and want to lose it on stage...


back to the drawing bored.

I had an awsome time while it lasted.
I got to be a rock star in chicago, when we flew out there to play classic metal fest 5. I will never forget that time on stage, every one there to see us... I got to sign autografts, and everything. I have livd recordings, pictures, videos, and a web page for memories, so its all good.


2 comments|post comment

[07 Aug 2005|07:09pm]
back to having a purpose. a thirst to feel the life in my eyes when looking into the mirror. You stand above the confusion, to live and die by the cross, you live truelly, there is the faithful around me. slice a friends heart, to see you beyond this point. As a giant, your eyes ablaze, never straying. my eyes, always astray. bitterness? confused, so bored, restless, living, bored, just stare at the sun for a while. ill smoke another cigarette, Ill drink another beer...you read another page, of those golden words. your heart grows stronger with every prayer. my heart grows colder with every night. To love sin, is to love death. hear I lay, beside the dead. spirit storms around my head. never catching my thirst. always so hungry. My spirit is starving, as I lay here beside the dead. pretend to be dead. belive that I am dead. but you reach, your wild eyes dig deeper into me then anything else. GET UP, leave the coffin behind your still alive your still alive. live strong, concour all, be the pit bull, Live for your god, believe in your god, Die for your god. Live and die on the front lines, or stay in your coffin for ever you sloth. Walk the line, be chewed up and spit out. LIVE FULL, OR DONT LIVE AT ALL. Years have taught me, its all about escaping, about running from reality, about running from my concious, running like its trying to kill me... Ill just bend the rules, sculpt life how I think it should be, but this is how im already a sloth, im already laying amongst the dead.
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back with the flow, YO! [30 Jul 2005|04:09pm]
Well I have been living in downtown Denver now for 2 months. For the most part I really like it. minus the crack heads in the ally way right under my house, its pretty cool. Im just about in walking distance to the clubs and venues. Got a kick ass little Pizza joint just down the street. My neighbors are all weird, everyone of them, but Im warming up to them. they are all nice.

as of a week ago, my band broke up, im sorry to say. I was having a blast playing gigs, hanging out with fellow metal heads every weekend, and writing music...but that chapter is over for now. but not for long...I want to play again...heavier stuff.

Work has been slow the last few days...

but a few weeks ago, man, The coroner's office was hella busy...

SO check this out.

a guy is renting a room from some older folks. a while back, the guy takes this 21 year old girl, rapes her, kills her, breaks her arms and legs, stuffs her in a box, and buries her benethe the old folks home. she is left there for two years... Just recently, the man was busted for drug sales, hauled off to prision. the old folkes get some family to come over to move his stuff out. they are in his room, and find a cut out hole in the floor. In the hole was a box. They found the girl from 2 years ago. I had to go and clean up the mess, pull the body from the box, and try not to let the bugs crawl all over me. That was the worst I had smelled in a couple of years.

a few weeks before that, a man went to a secluded road out in the middle of nowhere, parked his car right in the middle of the street, and shot him self in the head with a very powerful hand gun. Usually when I get called on a gunshot suicide to the head, It just makes a complete mess of their faces...this case was different. It split open the top of his head, and his brain, still in one whole piece, flew out of his head, bounced off the roof of the vehicle and landed in the seat next to him. SO during our cleanup proceedure, the coroner assigned me the privilage of removing the brain from the vehicle. I stood there on the side of the road holding this brain, as passing drivers drove past slowly looking at the situation in disbelief. When we removed the deceased from the vehicle we brought him down on the ground into the black body bag, NO joke... probably almost a gallon of blood went spilling on the ground from his gaping wound.
man, he must of had a SPLITTING headache...

anyhow, I may be getting a new job soon... I will be working in a mortuary. It would be better, still doing this work, but I wont be on 24 hours shifts, thank god. Working 4-5 24 hour shifts in a row starts to wear on you after a while.

also, recently, I purchased a new vehicle, I have a jeep. I love it...still needs some work on it. Jasmine's dad helped me with it. thank god...that car I had was really falling apart.

Jasmine and I were broken up for a while, about a month. we had some differences of opinon, and some other stuff...but we agreed to be together again. I am happy about our decision. I really love her. we have a lot of stuff in common. I can chill with her, and talk about all the music I love, and she loves to hear and chat with me... she is my baby doll. I was bumming there for a while... I think all is well.

its good to be back on line. I love live journal...I can just get out what ever Im feeling...I love to write. and when Im feeling weird and sick, or hopefull and bright...I can just get on line, close my eyes, and just write about whatever I feel.
6 comments|post comment

[29 Jul 2005|01:08pm]
FINALLY! Im back on line...I have internet in my home. thanks to Jasmine for the computer, and thanks to conrad for setting it up...
12 comments|post comment

[25 Jun 2005|02:17am]
If you had only 1 sexual fetish, what would it be?
8 comments|post comment

weather changes [28 May 2005|01:08am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Its about 1 am, and I have to move tomarrow...Im moving to downtown denver, 13th and pearl. Im only about half way packed. I have been living in colorado for 8 months. I cant believe it. With a little advice from some friends, I decided to pack up my stuff, and just move across country from california to colorado...by my self, to a place that is forign, where I know nothing, I do not know my way around. It has been an experience. I was blessed, to find such awsome roomates. Chris, it has been a blessing living here. you have been so awsome. Hamilten, has grown on me like a little brother. Ive grown closer to Jasmine. Ive found an awsome job. Ive been blessed with an awsome metal band. GOd has just really been taking care of me.

I remember the first night I got here, and I went to bed. I layed undernethe the blanket on my floor, and I felt so lonely, so far away...I felt empty. I cried my self to sleep. the next day, I begain to build my new life.
It has really been awsome. My moving, for me tomarrow marks a change...because this place, these people, my friends, all have become a part of me, the memories, have been nothing but great. Such a flip from 2 years ago...My life was in the dumps. I still struggle, I still have depression problems, but I feel so much happier now, its great.

Like a storm sweeping across the land,
so life passes by
better be ready for anything
Its silent with warm breezes
faces pass me by
my eyes shut, so much inside of me
They open, and the tornado comes
but its good,
my feet are firmly rooted in the soil
vision deepening
soul strengthening
tears falling
I am made from the dust
soon I will return
the clouds break
weather changes coming
like pages turning in a book
like chapters ending in a book
each...so different
cant wait to see it as a whole
I cant explain how I feel
but its between chapters,
that the warmth comes
weather changes
like the deepening of eyes
with time, comes understanding
with years, comes emotion
with tears, comes the whispers
I see a little deeper
I know a little more
I feel a little stronger
and I scream a little bit louder
but I whisper into the changing tides
even with love growing
living tissue grows old
and begins to decay
my body is decaying
buy my soul is growing
soon oceans will come for me
its all in the patterns
of weather changes

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DEAD PEOPLE [27 May 2005|12:09am]
SO I had a really disgusting call last night. an older guy, living on his fith floor apartment with no elevator up, died a month ago, with his heater on. They found him last night. He was face down, in his scum and trash coverd apartment. there was a huge outline of maggots around him...he stunk so bad...
I could smell him from ground level outside. the cops were gagging, and one puked. lol. his face dekomped, melted to the carpet and dried, so when I rolled him over and the top half of his face, all of his scalp slid right off of his skull, still stuck to the carpet. The maggots were jumping everywhere. and it sucks, because when you move the body, the already atrocious smell intensifies because the gases release. We had to double bag him, he stunk so bad...He stunk so bad, I was at a stop light, and the people next to me, took one look at me, made a face, and rolled up their windows....HEHEHEHEHE.....

We have a new song up on out website. Its our recording of "The Cathedral Walls".
Check it out, tell me what you think of it.

Go to http://www.kotmetal.com and click on the audio section. its really easy...
13 comments|post comment

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